If anyone knows me this title is the opposite of who I am. I don’t give up, in fact I’m stubborn. I don’t hold grudges, if someone has a problem with me I bug them until it’s resolved, etc.! But recently for the past few weeks to months I’ve been off my game. Way off. So! To jump right into this.
Basically I almost, well in my own mind, quit photography. I’m not even joking or exaggerating. No one knows this except me and now anyone who cares to read my blogs lol. But yes, I had it all in my head, I was really debating finishing off the fall sessions and the weddings in 2017 and then just stopping. Did I have a plan? ha. no. I was just so fed up with getting sick all the time, and if I’m not sick I’m sad and if I’m not sad I’m just not anything. It’s really frustrating, it’s almost like you either feel every emotion intensely with your entire being OR you feel literally nothing. How awful is that? And I know for a fact a lot of you know what I’m referring to. But anyway, yeah giving up honestly sounded amazing. Not worrying about my feed, not having to work after my day job and not having to work on the weekends, I’d see Trevor more, I’d have a life without anxiety basically.
Well after getting sick and I still am, I got to really dwell on that idea and really think it through. But to just remain open with you all and open with whoever likes keeping up-to-date with me, I’m still a little lost and I’m really seeking God’s plan in my life. I struggle with self-acceptance, jealousy, living in the past, all of that fun stuff I deal with every day. I know it’s allergy season haha but I think I got sick because my body and head is literally telling me to stop working so hard. I mean if I hadn’t of gotten sick I wouldn’t of realized how unhappy I am right now and how I really need to focus on finding joy and what I want to do in life. No one knows when they’re going to die, it could be this afternoon for all I know and that isn’t scary because it’s death, it’s more scary because I haven’t done a quarter of what I want to do.
So there are many ways to handle this situation.
My dad always tells me that God never just says yes or no. Sometimes he tells us to wait. If you’re asking God a question and you only want a yes, then you shouldn’t be asking him anything at all unless you’re willing to hear ANY answer.
One time when I was a sophomore, living in Miami, FL I was upset with God and how he had “failed” me, put me somewhere I didn’t feel welcome in. But because I lived in Miami even for a short few months and it was extremely difficult, you know what? I got a message one day from a freshman who was just in search of a friend. We became best friends while I was living in Florida and guess who that guy was? Trevor, my entire future changed course just from that annoying move to FL, and from that struggle I met my husband (:
God had a plan and he told me to wait.
If you’re unhappy with who you are, how do you expect to succeed at anything? You won’t. So focus on self-love before anything else.
“You owe yourself the love you so freely give to others.”
Inhale confidence and exhale doubt
From my great friend and client, Savannah:
psalm 56:3 “when I am afraid I put my trust in you”
From my life bestie, Kaitlyn:
Allow God to use your wonderful talents he’s given you to help people and make them feel beautiful!
Stop living in the past. You are NOT defined by your past. It was just a lesson. Not a life sentence.
I struggle with this SOO MUCH. I just beat myself up for my past and let it take over everything. Do not do that. What’s done is done. Move on and live for you not anyone else.
From my amazing friend since freshman year, Kiki:
Anxiety will come, negative thoughts will come, but you acknowledge them, say they aren’t from God, then cast them down where they belong.
“Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” Psalm 31:19
Want to be an actor? Go for it. Want to travel? Go for it. Want to own a business? Go for it? Want to ask for help? Go for it. Want to drop out of college? Go for it. Want to get a degree? Go for it! Want to write a book? Go for it. (and give me a signed copy)
There are SO MANY things we can do in life and if you are passionate even 1% for something. please GO FOR IT. It is so difficult I know but it’s so worth it. I’m still figuring out what I want to do, don’t worry!
From my wonderful intern, Jade:
Just take just five minutes to do you something that you like something that makes you happy.
“Nothing can stop God’s plan for your life.” – Isaiah 14:27