This is a long blog. I’m sorry ahead of time but trust me it’s a little humorous. It’s blunt and it’s honest.

It’s 12:47am and I’m just now getting in bed, forced myself to get a shower because I should probably look like a human for work right? Oh and I smell awful, did I really go to the pool today with Chewbacca legs? Ew Meghan. And about 2-3 hours ago, I took one of those expresso shots from Starbucks (they are disgusting), because I knew I needed to stay up to deliver a photo gallery to a waiting and very excited client.

 

One-hundred-and-seventy-five. Edited. Images. Later. delivered. YES! Woohoo!

 

Tomorrow I have work. Followed by meetings this week and mini sessions where I’m not even making any money because I need certain images for either collaborations with businesses or new packages that I’m announcing this month. So basically I’m drowning in multiple plans with literally no financial benefits. #entrepreneurlife. My brain actually hurts from all plans for Chicka Artistica. SO much to do and SO little time to do it.

Oh guys, the secret struggle is SO real. Both physically and mentally. I know we all have one. But I’m just sharing mine so you know you aren’t alone.

Every morning I wake up and have 0 motivation to do anything (#relatable?) Like I rarely even eat breakfast (sleep or cheerios? Hmmm.. sleep) and I sit and stare at how much HATE how I look without makeup on before getting ready. Yuck, why is my face so bumpy? Off to my 9-4 job at a…construction company (ah yes my dream job, jk) well, it’s okay, it pays the bills. Then after work usually my other job, so sessions or meetings.

Here’s how the evening goes:

– work, work, oh and work.

– anddd home.

– Shower? Eh, no shower. Dry shampoo? Yes.

– Emails.

– Silent crying. Doubting being an entrepreneur. WHY MEGHAN.

– okay get yourself together.

– More emails.

– Editing.

– blog? Eh no one cares what I have to say.

– Scrolling Instagram “wow I wish I looked like her.” “only 75 likes? But she got 500. Maybe I should just delete my picture it isn’t good enough.”

– Scrolling Facebook “oh nice, I didn’t get invited to that sleepover…again. Why don’t they hang out with me?”

– Checking texts. No texts. “Why don’t my friends reach out to me?”

– Small meltdown. Okay you good Meghan? Yeah I’m good.

– Netflix. “I’ll be there for youuuuuuuuuuuu.” (guess what I’m watching)

– Cries more because I’ll never have friends like monica, chandler, Rachel, Phoebe, Ross, or Joey.

– And sleep.

 

That’s how it usually goes. ON A GOOD DAY. So yes I understand your struggle. I get being sad for no reason or for a million reasons. And then when someone FINALLY says “whats wrong?” you have no idea what to say because there’s just so much.

All my friends are leaving for college. I dropped out of college so I’m skipping the “finding yourself and partying” stage of life. A lot of my “friends” turned on me after high school. Apparently I’m too this. Too that. Too busy. Too blah blah blah. who knows. Is my success threatening? I Have no idea. Oh well. God has a plan. Some days I will literally sit in my car and bawl because of how much my dumb self misses those stupid and really mean ex-friends. But hey that’s life. Am I coming across bitter? Not meaning to. Just want to be real. Like REALLY REALLY REAL. There needs to be less hate and more real. Ya know? We’re all just confused, sad, stressed out little crazy people, some of us just hide it way better than others and some of us build it up into other emotions or actions. I do both. You?

But anyway I don’t have any life changing quotes or verses for you. I wish I could tell you I’m doing amazing. I wish I could tell you those ex-friends apologized or stopped ignoring me. I wish I could give you a great verse that God showed me to share. But honestly I can’t do any of that. I’m just where you are, I’m in no place to help anyone. Heck I’m just trying to help myself. But there’s one thing I can do. Be honest with you.

I encourage you to be honest today. With a post or a text or to God. Stop lying to yourself. If you’re not okay, admit it. Just stop pretending to be okay, vent to people, be blunt and heck, be cocky. PLEASE. Be cocky and confident cause even though you hate everything lol as much as I hate hearing this… it DOES GET BETTER. Hang in there. yes #thestruggleisreal but you know what’s also real? God’s grace. He’s that friend who didn’t ignore you. He is that friend asking “what’s wrong, tell me” He is that ONE person you NEED whether you believe it or not. Trust me. Seek him in your struggle. He is waiting with open arms

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8/16/16

The Secret Struggle

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